playful banter

been working on this for a month

2010-09-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

another untitled poem

Your lips whispered disaster,

my eyelids fluttered faster.

A bomb erupted in my chest,

this has to be my hardest test.

I refused to hear the words they said,

and all the thoughts inside my head.

Three weeks I spent thinking of you,

I never thought I'd make it through.

Then you came around one day,

I never thought you'd look my way.

I grabbed a hold and pulled you in,

you have to be my only sin.

Who knows where this will go someday,

I just hope you're here to stay.

this is for you

2010-08-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

Untitled ( if I come up with a good title later.. I'll add it)

I dreamt you were at my window last night,

and that I invited you in.

Because then you were here,

instead of there,

and I could hold you close.

I wished that you would call me,

just exactly like you used to.

Because your voice makes me feel safe,

and without it I am scared.

I remember when you'd hold my hand,

and lift it to kiss my palm.

Because without your hand in mine,

well, now I feel alone.

Why Oh You

2010-07-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't written any poems in a while... and well, this one came to me..it's true and right...enjoy.

Why Oh You

If perfection

was a person,

your golden eyes

would sparkle.

You kissed me

with a smile

that let me taste

your laughter.

And as our

heartbeats synchronized,

as I rested on your chest.

I breathed you in,

while your sweetness

took me over.

Then you

held my hand

just right.

Your simple

touch was all

I needed.

The pure pleasure

I'd been waiting for

had always been,

You.

It was you.

Steal My Heart and Don't Be Sorry

2010-03-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Steal My Heart and Don't Be Sorry

You got me under this sun,
the warmth of your bright smile.
Your lips tingle with desire,
and Ibecome immobile.

I release my nervous breath,
as it intertwines with yours,
stealing the secret, from the
tip of your tongue.

Both truthful organs, beat with good intentions.
My hand searches for the safety of yours.
I drown in the feelings i've longed for forever.
The night you spilled those three words.

Link

2010-03-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

Link

Reach out and touch.
Today is yesterdays clean slate.
The eyes run dry from wet.
Strive for connection in every way.

The hands stay cold from emptiness.
Wimpers of sadness stain the air.
Everything but silence.
Hearts are giving up.

A friendly face appears for you.
Rising with your thoughts in hand.
Regrets no longer shall be made.
Move forward with whats next.

Who wants to say, that they never lived?

2010-03-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that, in one point of your life, if it hasn't already happened, or perhaps it has crossed your mind a million times, every person in the world wants to know if they are significant. Have I touched someone? A family member, or a complete stranger in a way that has changed their life, and has made them change anothers? Did we do what we were supposed? Was our small successes satisfying enough?
Everyone is terrified of the, "what if's" the "couldas" the "shouldas". Everyone wants to leave those regrets out of their lives...for their entire lives. Can we blame ourselves? Who wants to say, that they never lived? The way I see it is, we are all afraid to get out of our own way, and do what we want. We are all afraid to live, when we were put on this planet, to live. Do you see any other reason for us to be here? We aren't here to help the planet, we aren't here by accident...it was on purpose.
Noone can say they don't have a purpose...everyone has a purpose here. This is a more general realization than people feeling that God makes your purpose, or who ever is your higher being...whatever you believe, believe it. I'm saying in a general format, that every single human being on this earth is going to touch someones life, and make an impact. Why do we die, at certain ages? If we all had the same purpose...the same path, we would all die, the same age, the same time, the same day, and with the same fulfilled duty. There is a reason for everything, every little thing that happens to you... there is a reasonable explanation for whatever it was you encountered.
I'm 18. And I think every day, who have I touched? I make art, and it makes me people feel. I've held doors open for people, i've stood up for people who couldn't defend themselves, and I wonder...if that is enough. Enough to give someone that little something they need to feel special, to feel happy...or to just even feel. I recently have connected with a group of people, who have become my friends and they have changed my life. There is nothing like, thinking you are something, and having someone tell you, you are amazing and that you've changed their life for the better. Both of you at the same time, changing eachothers lives, making them feel like they've never felt before. It's earth shattering when you find people, who simply make your life better, and you reciprocate. After all, life isn't simple. It's something we do, every day, you have a beginning, a middle, and an end. There are people who share your life with you, and people who are simply just there. There is a day, when you feel that first sense of pride...your first accomplishment, and that feeling is towards something so small... it's just a chapter in your life. In the end... there is that pride again, but its not just for one thing, it's for every second that you lived, and made your life, what you wanted.
We are all...significant.

I wrote this segment, after seeing Remember Me. It was an excellent film with great life lessons. I would have love to write more on this subject, and i'm sure I will, as I learn more and more about it every day.

thanks for listening.

Coincidence. That's all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence.

2010-02-26T22:33:00.000-08:00

I've been dieing to see this movie for quite some time now.
I was waiting for that usual love story that touches everyones heart. This movie did touch me, but in a way in which i wasn't expecting. Love is just word, a word that you don't really know what it means, until you've experienced it, felt it, in your body, in your veins, your soul, and mind. It catches you off guard, but it's not on purpose, it's not timed, it's not planned, it's not forced, it just is. Coincidence, accidental, mistaken, but pure and true, and right...no explanation for it.. it just is. Noone can change this pattern, and honestly...who would want to? Life is unpredictable, if we went through life knowing exactly what was going to happen to us every single day, it wouldn't really be worth living. There would be no excitement, no surprises, no unexpectadness, and that is the stuff that makes life soo valuable, and that when people die...that's what they feel like they are missing. Now, my heart wrenches when i can't say that everyone gets a happy ending, or an easy way, or a hard way everyone just gets what they get, they play it by ear and move forward every second of every day. Sometimes will be ups, some downs, some mediocre, but that doesn't make any day less valuable. Every second counts, every minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month, and every year. Sometimes, things that have been there all along, didn't mean anything until that moment when they did, which could even be a year later than when you first encountered it. I'm just saying folks, i love my odds here. I love the risk of today and tomorrow, it's enticing, and i'm fully ready, to go with the flow, let it carry me, just let it happen, and be happy with whatever is handed to me, because every opportunity is one small pawn in the game of life. Live fully, no regrets, just smiles:).

worthless complication

2010-02-26T17:44:00.000-08:00

Worthless Complication

Under this veil it holds the truth,
unseen and unheard.

The alligations, the lies,
were confirmed by my cries.

I am the worthless complication

The seeking is done,
the answer has
risen from its
supposed grave.

The confusion seeps
through the air and
stings and causes the nose
to bleed.

I am the worthless complication

The burn of your gaze,
continues to singe
and leads me to gasp in pain.

Goodmorning Love

2010-02-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

Goodmorning Love

His gentle awakening whisper,
tingles in her ear.

Re-assures her, with him,
there is no fear.

She smiles softly,
in her sleep.

And into bed with her,
he creeps.

Her mind reminds her,
of the night before.

When he kissed her and said,
"I love you more."

And as he gradually,
slips under the sheets.

It is there,
that their two bodies meet.

He slides his hand,
upon her cheek.

And wipes away,
the tears that leak.

He opens her soul,
with a gentle smile.

This lets her know,
this is for a while.

He grabs a hold,
oh so tight.

Until awakened,
by a ray of light.

As he kissed her,
once with care.

They parted,
with a loving stare.

i am relieved

2010-02-26T17:11:00.000-08:00

I Am Relieved

I cut deep to relieve my pain,

As the blood pours from my peeled flesh,

I am relieved

Relieved of life,
Relieved of sorrows,
Wasted away in a slice.

No more loneliness,
No more hatred,
No more world

It's just me
and my self in a calm place,
that's almost too perfect

All from just one cut

My fears have gone,
My pain has gone,
My life has gone

And just from one cut

As I come to,
I breathe air again,
and life is back to hell

Then back to the world,

I swallow my fear and pain,
I choke them back,
hold them in,
and then its back to the cut,

I cut deep to relieve my pain

I am relieved

Relieved of life,
Relieved of my sorrows,
Wasted away in a cut

I am relieved

My fears have gone,
My pain has gone...

My life has gone

I am relieved

nothing here

2010-02-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

Nothing Here

Deathly sick
with the sounds of silence.

Frustrated with
not seeing your face.

I'm lost in
the screaming thoughts.

Broken from
uncertainty and woe.

Tomorrow is
another day.

a poem can make the heart sing..

2010-02-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

Soo, i've got quite a few poems that have never been seen so I was thinking of posting them on here so I have some place where others can see them.

Push

Insecure,
yes.

push.

Deny feelings,
wrong.

push.

Rush and hold back,
sorry.

push.

Confirm this,
true.

push.

What do you want,
uknown.

push.

success at its finest hour

2010-02-26T16:40:00.000-08:00

Take a deep breath.
The worst has come and gone.
It's time to be happy.
Show the world what i'm made of.

The path wasn't clear.
But the sun shined in an open area.
I reach for the moment.
I hold on strong.

I never lived before this second.
My world turned upside down.
Negativity is no longer in my vocabulary.
I'm only moving forward.

Dreams are now reality.
My heart has no fear.
My mind thinks freely.
I'm right where i'm supposed to be.

Feeling Deadly?

2009-08-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

Seven Deadly Sins 12 piece series:

This is the punishment for envy...When being punished for envy in hell, you'll be soaked and drowned in freezing water.

Wrath: is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.

Envy: is the desire for other's traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony: is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Sloth: is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

Greed: is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual.

This is the punishment for Greed.... When being punished for greed in hell, you'll be boiled alive in oil. Bear in mind that it's the finest, most luxurious boiling oil money can buy.

This is the punishment for pride.. When being punished for pride in hell, you are broken on the wheel.

Pride: is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as vanity.

Lust: is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

This is the punishment for gluttony..When being punished for gluttony in hell you are forced fed rats and snakes and bugs... things you wouldn't want to eat.

This is the punishment for lust.. When being punished for lust in hell you are smothered with fire and brimstone... not kisses.

Here is my series of self-portraits based off the seven deadly sins and their punishments in hell. I hope you enjoy, i scored a 5 on my AP testing on this series... i worked extremely hard and i hope to produce more just as good soon.

Calm Before the Storm

2009-07-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

The trees start molting leaves, gently flowing through the breeze.

The wind swirls and the cool air swirls through the silent sounds.

The thunder starts rumbling and rolling and the lightning lights up the sky
and cracks the sky in two.

Thick black clouds encircle. Then comes the thick heavy tears.

The damage comes. The pain and the twisted outcomes.

Never expected, never planned, appearing cruel and unusual.

The storm outside is ridiculous.
Something about storms excite me and something about them terrifies me.

My skin seems to crawl when i hear the thunder roll..but when the lightning crashes
I gain energy.

Everything is amazing an peachy and good. Everything is calm and perfect, everything
works and everything fits. Then the storm comes... unexpected and noone knows how to prepare.

This storm has been waiting to come in more ways than one.

Thats all for now! Blog you Later!

its time..

2008-08-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

its time to reach out to those who need us...if you know someone who isn't feeling themselves... reach out and let them know you are there to help them...and that in the end everything will be ok.

the next time, on pimp your ride..

2008-08-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

The famous Shaggin' Wagon. its been around since Lauren's Sophmore year of college, and now im getting the privelge to share it with her. This car is the absolute shit. no... not a piece of shit...the car is "the shit!". This car has been through soo much. Its been to sooo many concerts in Boston and its been the vehicle that we use for all our trips together when we go gallavanting. You can take it anywhere...the place to not bring it would be the drive thru... its very loud and it makes it very difficult for the people at wendy's/ mcdonalds to hear what you are ordering. When you get in this car you ride with style, it comes equipped with an awesome cd selection provided by lauren and I. and has a back side that is filled with fantastic bumperstickers...and no...not the ones you see on facebook..

heres just a few or if u want to see the whole back end.

I know... you dont even need to say it...the car is a gift. The most amazing screaming metal death trap anyone could possibly want to own. although lauren and i have joint custody of this precious little ve-hicle. When im driving it i will take care of it as if it was my own. I mean with its automatic seatbelts that choke you when you lean forward and your sister starts the car....you can't get much better than that. Only some people aren't great enough to even stand in it's shadow let alone sit behind the wheel of this smokin' hot piece of metal on wheels. So bow down to it, and bask in its glow. :)

is that a gerbil in your box or are you just trying to get your license?

2008-08-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, to find my mom in panic. We had it planned to go to the Connecticut Deparment of Motor Vehicles this morning to get my license. Although, they make you bring soo much crap to fully identify yourself that you lose your brain half way along the way. Soo mother and i were grabbing my birth certificate and social security card...when we suddenly realize that...we dont have a verification envelope of my address. And we immediately freak out, because i had just cleaned my room on friday( like my mother told me to) and threw out all my birthday card envelopes i recieved in the mail.Our next thought was to use this big catalog i got from a college, but we thought since it was a label with my address on it...that they would think we just stuck it on. soo we decided to bring the box that i recieved with my shoes in it from journeys. we drive all the way there and stand in line with all our stuff, in this shoe box...that looked like we were carrying around a pet gerbil. which if we in fact really did have a gerbil in there we would have been in lots of trouble because there are no gerbils or other pets allowed in there. we waited in line for twenty minutes during that time i found out my mother had her shirt on inside out which made us look even more ridiculous and adding to the whole gerbil in the box factor. when we reached the counter the lady informed us that the college catalog was acceptable and that i had all i needed to obtain my license. and in the end we were victorious! i got my license and now im ready to cruise on the road!

until next time!

to write love on her arms

2008-08-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

so im blogging again at 12:30 in the morning. so im going to fill you in on the rest of my events from yesterday. after i blogged before i waited around until my momma came home, and i asked her if she would be willing to go to Buckland Hills Mall so i could spend my 15% off at hot topic. So she agreed and my sisters and my mom and i, all went to the mall, the four of us, on an adventure, as usual. we went to H&M where i purchased a jacket...as seen below.

When we went to Hot Topic i was expecting to buy a pair of white and silver skinny jeans that i've wanted for soo long. but instead i ended up purchasing a shirt that goes to a great cause. The shirt is by a foundation called To Write Love on Her Arms. this is an image of the shirt.

and well thats not all. the shirt came equipped with a tag describing the foundation and who it benefits. and here it is...

I know people who've had such a hard time dealing with some of the things mentioned...and i think its really great for them...and everyone else to know that they are not alone and that there are people who have your back and support you, and know that you have had some rough times but that they just want you to be ok in the end. If your one of these people, visit www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms and read about it and really get to know it. you dont even have to have anything that the card mentions...but you can be apart of it as support to all the others that do, i know they would appreciate it.

people may not know this but...

there is always a purpose for the pain...

dont be afraid to ask for help.